Month: March 2016



When I change my fantasy

To a new star of the show

I often wonder

Where you go


Silly, I know

Like tossing a half read book on the floor

Characters remain frozen

Until I read more


Yet I feel your eyes

Demanding status as main contender

Finding you more exciting

He’s swapped out and to you I surrender


The beauty of dreams:

Life is carefully scripted

Ambrosial reality

Safely encrypted


© 2016 Clarissa Simmens





Sharing three in the morning

With you, but

Don’t know what zone

You’re in, or where

Wandering through the hall

Whales on the kitchen floor

Myopic stream of consciousness


They are merely shadows

The detritus of sleeping disorders

Window A/C shakes sweating walls

Noise covering the thump of my

Crying-out-to-you pulse

Silently slowing

In its vacuum…


© Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)





Autism is standing still while

Everyone runs for the cliff edge

And you want to know why

Before joining them

But the surge pushes you down

And they thunder across your back

And you’re bloody but not broken

Because the rage keeps you sane


Autism is always being chosen

To be

The Cheese

In Farmer in the Dell

The Cheese stands alone

In the middle of the circle

As baby classmates point and sing

And you cry

But the next year you don’t cry

You will never let them break you

At least they won’t know

You care


Autism is getting it wrong when a boy flirts

Confusion from what he means

Interpreted by his ego

Thinking you’re indifferent

To his oh-so-obvious charms

And he hates you


Autism is being nice to a boy

Who seems like a friend

But not realizing

His ego cannot allow someone like you

To be kind

i.e., flirt (must be, he reasons)

And he hates you

For showing interest in his

Oh-so-obvious charms


Yet autism is like everyone else

Loving friends and movies

Books and games

Dreaming of being asked

To the prom

And buying a dress

To transform the lightning and thunder

Into rainbows of love, peace and happiness


Autism is loving sex and drugs and rock and roll

But luckily learning that drugs can take you

Where you don’t want to go

Because you can’t come back

But some nights you think

Maybe that’s not bad

What’s to come back to?

Only thunder and lightning and rain


Autism is when married

Choosing a dysfunctional like you

Yet he becomes an adversary

Family and friends roll their eyes

And laugh when he reveals your secrets

Meant only for him

It’s not like you’re barking like a dog

Or flapping your hands

Everything looks “normal”

But there must be some type of invisible mark

That all can see

Except me


What do they see?

What did I do?

What did I say?


Answers? No, so

Although I’ve never been a head banger

I want to badly butt

My head against theirs

Make them see

I’m like them

I am!

But I don’t know what to say

My tongue gets in the way


Children come

One is finally labeled

“Somewhat autistic”

What does that mean?

No information

Never heard the word before

No idea I am

We’re all so different

But children raised

In the offbeat way

AKA, autistic

And their lives

Get drenched in different shades of rain

Thunder, lightning



What is Autism?


Autism is traffic jams

Oncoming headlights in

A foggy, dark night

Thunder drowning out your heartbeat

Automobile stereo’s bass line ripping through your brain


Autism is thunder in your soul

As rain pours from your eyes

And lightning jerks your strings


Autism is knowing you are safest locked alone

In your room

Where no one can hurt you

But the curse is

Like everyone else

You crave society…


© 2016 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)







I remember decades ago

Sweet sixteen

Twilit window

Youth in shadow

Talking endlessly

About the man we wanted

To meet now

And someday marry

Suddenly blurted

“We’re consumed with guys!

I see us as old ladies

Still talking about them!”

Crossing yourself, you cried,

“No! We’ll be happy, I know.”

No longer friends

Faces now naturally

Chiaroscuro masks

Modeled by time

But I wonder

Wherever you are

If you remember that conversation

I wonder if your prediction came true for you

Because mine is reflected

In my endless aging fantasies

And poetry

About the man I want

To meet now

And someday marry


I ache more from

Missing the sisterhood

Of a close female friend

Who shares my heart…


© 2016 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)

IMAGE: Murillo, Two Women At A Window



Scroll down for Hendrix cover (Little Wing, Flamenco, Eyal Heller)


Here you are

At my door

Behind you

Rotating stars

Illuminating my

Surprised smile

Your heart beats out

The best Flamenco tune

As your voice

So Hendrix-y

Seduces me

I blink

And it is you

Dark eyes

Locked on

Dark eyes

That singular “look”

I prize so much




Words, words, words

As evening exhilaration

Becomes reality


© 2016 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)

Hendrix cover: Little Wing (Flamenco version) Eyal Heller





Flowers of jasmine

Floating among leaves

Fallen from the tin

Holding the horror or

Happiness in a message

Harbored within an


Erratic placement

Of emblems, symbols

Arranging themselves

Along the sides and bottom

Of an antique cup

That traveled in the wagon

Of a desperate woman


Hidden husband

Here lying like the dead

Heaps of vegetables his coffin

Freedom in other European towns

Finding war there too, and like me,

Finding no answer in the leaves of tea


© 2016 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)

IMAGE: Tea Leaf Reading, Wikipedia



(for new questors during the penumbral lunar eclipse)


Coins mined from the EARTH

PENTACLES willing to teach you

The pleasures of safety in ownership

The joys of being rooted

To what we need and know


Holy Grail carrying WATER

In a pure CUP for you to learn

Things of the heart

The secret of balance amid

Raging passions drowning us in

Jealousy, hate, love


Slicing the AIR

Invisible, life-giving gases

Piercing SWORD

Mind training in the art of

Thought before action

But never over-intellectualize

The joy of life’s conundrums

And hidden indulgences


Burning with FIERY pneuma

WANDS touch your soul

So you may live in the

Spirit of Freedom

Experiencing euphoric moments of

Self-sufficiency while

Floating in the hot darkness of

Solar-centered space


Balancing body, emotions, mind and soul

Everyday lessons teach us self-control



© 2016 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)

IMAGE: Tarot Queens



In lavender candle

Breathing in the color

Bathing in the light spectrum

Assigned the quality of wisdom


In lavender candle

Calming chaotic thoughts

Focusing on the lilac aroma

Arising from imaginary flowering fields


In lavender candle

Feeling faceted amethysts

Crystallizing my weary heart

Slowly giving way to intellectual realism


In lavender candle

Useless thoughts of you

And what could have been

Fade out into a purpling, evening sky…


© 2016 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)