When I change my fantasy
To a new star of the show
I often wonder
Where you go
Silly, I know
Like tossing a half read book on the floor
Characters remain frozen
Until I read more
Yet I feel your eyes
Demanding status as main contender
Finding you more exciting
He’s swapped out and to you I surrender
The beauty of dreams:
Life is carefully scripted
Ambrosial reality
Safely encrypted
© 2016 Clarissa Simmens
IMAGE: www.pageresource.com
PLEASE NOTE: IMAGE IS NOW UPDATED TO: WebsiteSetup.org
Sharing three in the morning
With you, but
Don’t know what zone
You’re in, or where
Wandering through the hall
Whales on the kitchen floor
Myopic stream of consciousness
Concludes
They are merely shadows
The detritus of sleeping disorders
Window A/C shakes sweating walls
Noise covering the thump of my
Crying-out-to-you pulse
Silently slowing
In its vacuum…
© Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)
(FOR AUTISM AWARENESS DAY APRIL 2)
Autism is standing still while
Everyone runs for the cliff edge
And you want to know why
Before joining them
But the surge pushes you down
And they thunder across your back
And you’re bloody but not broken
Because the rage keeps you sane
Autism is always being chosen
To be
The Cheese
In Farmer in the Dell
The Cheese stands alone
In the middle of the circle
As baby classmates point and sing
And you cry
But the next year you don’t cry
You will never let them break you
At least they won’t know
You care
Autism is getting it wrong when a boy flirts
Confusion from what he means
Interpreted by his ego
Thinking you’re indifferent
To his oh-so-obvious charms
And he hates you
Autism is being nice to a boy
Who seems like a friend
But not realizing
His ego cannot allow someone like you
To be kind
i.e., flirt (must be, he reasons)
And he hates you
For showing interest in his
Oh-so-obvious charms
Yet autism is like everyone else
Loving friends and movies
Books and games
Dreaming of being asked
To the prom
And buying a dress
To transform the lightning and thunder
Into rainbows of love, peace and happiness
Autism is loving sex and drugs and rock and roll
But luckily learning that drugs can take you
Where you don’t want to go
Because you can’t come back
But some nights you think
Maybe that’s not bad
What’s to come back to?
Only thunder and lightning and rain
Autism is when married
Choosing a dysfunctional like you
Yet he becomes an adversary
Family and friends roll their eyes
And laugh when he reveals your secrets
Meant only for him
It’s not like you’re barking like a dog
Or flapping your hands
Everything looks “normal”
But there must be some type of invisible mark
That all can see
Except me
What do they see?
What did I do?
What did I say?
Answers? No, so
Although I’ve never been a head banger
I want to badly butt
My head against theirs
Make them see
I’m like them
I am!
But I don’t know what to say
My tongue gets in the way
Children come
One is finally labeled
“Somewhat autistic”
What does that mean?
No information
Never heard the word before
No idea I am
We’re all so different
But children raised
In the offbeat way
AKA, autistic
And their lives
Get drenched in different shades of rain
Thunder, lightning
Mudslides
What is Autism?
Autism is traffic jams
Oncoming headlights in
A foggy, dark night
Thunder drowning out your heartbeat
Automobile stereo’s bass line ripping through your brain
Autism is thunder in your soul
As rain pours from your eyes
And lightning jerks your strings
Autism is knowing you are safest locked alone
In your room
Where no one can hurt you
But the curse is
Like everyone else
You crave society…
© 2016 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)
IMAGE: zmescience.com
I remember decades ago
Sweet sixteen
Twilit window
Youth in shadow
Talking endlessly
About the man we wanted
To meet now
And someday marry
Suddenly blurted
“We’re consumed with guys!
I see us as old ladies
Still talking about them!”
Crossing yourself, you cried,
“No! We’ll be happy, I know.”
No longer friends
Faces now naturally
Chiaroscuro masks
Modeled by time
But I wonder
Wherever you are
If you remember that conversation
I wonder if your prediction came true for you
Because mine is reflected
In my endless aging fantasies
And poetry
About the man I want
To meet now
And someday marry
Surprisingly
I ache more from
Missing the sisterhood
Of a close female friend
Who shares my heart…
© 2016 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)
IMAGE: Murillo, Two Women At A Window
Scroll down for Hendrix cover (Little Wing, Flamenco, Eyal Heller)
Here you are
At my door
Behind you
Rotating stars
Illuminating my
Surprised smile
Your heart beats out
The best Flamenco tune
As your voice
So Hendrix-y
Seduces me
I blink
And it is you
Dark eyes
Locked on
Dark eyes
That singular “look”
I prize so much
Supplanting
Visuals
Audios
Words, words, words
As evening exhilaration
Becomes reality
© 2016 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)
Hendrix cover: Little Wing (Flamenco version) Eyal Heller
IMAGE: Premiumbeat.com
Flowers of jasmine
Floating among leaves
Fallen from the tin
Holding the horror or
Happiness in a message
Harbored within an
Erratic placement
Of emblems, symbols
Arranging themselves
Along the sides and bottom
Of an antique cup
That traveled in the wagon
Of a desperate woman
Hidden husband
Here lying like the dead
Heaps of vegetables his coffin
Freedom in other European towns
Finding war there too, and like me,
Finding no answer in the leaves of tea
© 2016 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)
IMAGE: Tea Leaf Reading, Wikipedia
Dormancy
Not for the impatient
Impossibility of forcing growth
Energy needed to reinforce roots
Connecting with nature in coldness
Is vital
To welcome
Approaching germination…
© Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)
IMAGE: Frost on Marigold, jacksonfreepress.com
I’m his whore
He always wants more
He strips me bare
But I don’t care
Wakes me at night
Forces me to write
Shames me to strangers
Exposes me to dangers
I’ll do anything if he won’t leave me
Willing slave to my man, Poetry…
© 2016 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)
IMAGE: Martha Walter, Nude in Bed
(for new questors during the penumbral lunar eclipse)
Coins mined from the EARTH
PENTACLES willing to teach you
The pleasures of safety in ownership
The joys of being rooted
To what we need and know
Holy Grail carrying WATER
In a pure CUP for you to learn
Things of the heart
The secret of balance amid
Raging passions drowning us in
Jealousy, hate, love
Slicing the AIR
Invisible, life-giving gases
Piercing SWORD
Mind training in the art of
Thought before action
But never over-intellectualize
The joy of life’s conundrums
And hidden indulgences
Burning with FIERY pneuma
WANDS touch your soul
So you may live in the
Spirit of Freedom
Experiencing euphoric moments of
Self-sufficiency while
Floating in the hot darkness of
Solar-centered space
Balancing body, emotions, mind and soul
Everyday lessons teach us self-control
© 2016 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)
IMAGE: Tarot Queens
In lavender candle
Breathing in the color
Bathing in the light spectrum
Assigned the quality of wisdom
In lavender candle
Calming chaotic thoughts
Focusing on the lilac aroma
Arising from imaginary flowering fields
In lavender candle
Feeling faceted amethysts
Crystallizing my weary heart
Slowly giving way to intellectual realism
In lavender candle
Useless thoughts of you
And what could have been
Fade out into a purpling, evening sky…
© 2016 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)
IMAGE: LAVENDER CANDLE AND ALOES
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