SCREW YOU UNIVERSE (another memoir apology)


I knew at eighteen

Life would be a struggle

Always too much yin

In with the yang

Maybe a few days good

Then the rest of the month bad

Tried to keep up a good attitude

I still beam out smiles

Laugh at myself

Look for fun things to do

But that pre-dawn

I took the elevator

Up to William Penn’s statue

Atop City Hall

Wrote my name in Magic Marker

On the wall

“CS heart Chaos”

Gazed down at the street grid

That now looked so clean

Showered in pink and blue daybreak

After fleeing Greenwich Village

In a snit

At four in the morning

Because my love life

Was never going to be good

Because of the invisible sign

That only men could see

Those attracted to me

Always the wrong kind

Left New York via

Greyhound bus

Coffee to go

Watched the sun rise

In Philly’s Rittenhouse Square

Hippie male trying to convince me

To come to his pad for breakfast

He was kind, though

As we watched iridescent pigeons flit

He wiped the bird shit out of my hair

With his handkerchief

Do men still carry those white linen squares?

Maybe the Universe was offering me

A good mate for my soul

But I refused both the man and

The Universe’s plan

As I blindly ran down the wrong paths

Time after time after time…


© 2016 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)

Image: William Penn statue, Philadelphia City Hall



  1. I think our short lives are primarily to experience the making of mistakes. After it’s over and we get a chance to look back, maybe we’ll be able to get something out of it. Maybe, and that’s final.

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