IN THE CLOSET

 

Confessed autism

Honesty not always best

Some non-autistics scared

Think we violently meltdown

Read: murderous

(Witnesses doomed to burn)

At best we seem stiff

Read: weird

(Because we don’t like the touch of strangers)

At worst, we seem iffy

Read: untrustworthy

(Because we don’t march cadently)

How about that occasional

Inappropriate comment

Sorry, I thought it was funny

I see it’s not

Hey, where you going?

(Another friend lost)

So where are all those people

Who want to mainstream us

Struttin’ around

Writing books and speeches

Raising money

But will you be my friend?

Will you hang out with me?

“We’ll get together soon…”

Yeah, I heard that line

From a Harry Chapin song

Read: NO

So seems I was smart

Being in denial for years

No one ever knew

But then, I woke up

Thought I could be true

To me and you

But here’s my realistic view:

Sometimes it is better

Not to emerge from

The autism closet

Unless you have a superpower that others want

Read: fame, fortune

But some days you’ll know

Who the real friends are

And they will appear

Mysteriously

To brighten your days…

 

© 2017 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)

IMAGE: CLOSET (Pinterest: no attribution)

 

 

14 comments

  3. Detachment… The truly “safe” place for the functional autistic. In my opinion, formed from years of trial and error, seeking “special” relationships, as in marriage, friendships, buddies, whatever, even your own children, if you’re the black sheep, it’s a waste of time, energy and feelings. They’ll know your weakness and they’ll take advantage, one way or the other if they find out it matters. I follow the advice of my Teacher YLea, “when none of it matters, it will all be yours.” I keep my feelings to myself and if someone hurts me, I look to me; to the protection I failed to put up.There’s magick all around for us to use, to free up our personal power, if we are wise enough to use it properly. Magick people walk alone and work alone, even if/when surrounded by others, even the well-meaning. Like the fairies, we remain leery, quick to disappear. We don’t push, brag or trust. Worst thing I ever did, and it drove me to the edge of suicide was to manipulate religious and political power when it was given to me. I found my balance only when I rejected that Matrix power and found myself.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You’re so right, Sha’Tara. I’ve looked to myself for the last few years, also. “Like the fairies, we remain leery” is a good description!

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    1. Ah, thanks so much, Steve! I wrote those last lines right before I hit “publish” and I’m glad because there are wonderful people in my life–both touchable and virtual–who make my days so worthwhile ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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