SO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT AUTISM IS LIKE?

(APRIL IS AUTISM AWARENESS MONTH. THIS IS A REPOST)

I know there is a protest by Autistics Against Autism and I understand. I, too,
object to the way we are all grouped together or treated as if we are a disease that
needs to be eradicated. I suppose, since I come from a time before autism was
diagnosed and lived in a vacuum, not knowing what was wrong, I appreciate any
information that has arisen since the birth of Google. We are all different. This poem
is ME! Not Joe Blow, not Jane Doe! My particular experience. Love and Peace to
us all…
Autism is standing still while
Everyone runs for the cliff edge
And you want to know why
Before joining them
But the surge pushes you down
And they thunder across your back
And you’re bloody but not broken
Because the rage keeps you sane

Autism is always being chosen
To be
The Cheese
In Farmer in the Dell
The Cheese stands alone
In the middle of the circle
As baby classmates point and sing
And you cry
But the next year you don’t cry
You will never let them break you
At least they won’t know
You care

Autism is getting it wrong when a boy flirts
Confusion from what he means
Interpreted by his ego
Thinking you’re indifferent
To his oh-so-obvious charms
And he hates you

Autism is being nice to a boy
Who seems like a friend
But not realizing
His ego cannot allow someone like you
To be kind
i.e., flirt (must be, he reasons)
And he hates you
For showing interest in his
Oh-so-obvious charms

Yet autism is like everyone else
Loving friends and movies
Books and games
Dreaming of being asked
To the prom
And buying a dress
To transform the lightning and thunder
Into rainbows of love, peace and happiness

Autism is loving sex and drugs and rock and roll
But luckily learning that drugs can take you
Where you don’t want to go
Because you can’t come back
But some nights you think
Maybe that’s not bad
What’s to come back to?
Only thunder and lightning and rain

Autism is when married
Choosing a dysfunctional like you
Yet he becomes an adversary
Family and friends roll their eyes
And laugh when he reveals your secrets
Meant only for him
It’s not like you’re barking like a dog
Or flapping your hands
Everything looks “normal”
But there must be some type of invisible mark
That all can see
Except me

What do they see?
What did I do?
What did I say?

Answers? No, so
Although I’ve never been a head banger
I want to badly butt
My head against theirs
Make them see
I’m like them
I am!
But I don’t know what to say
My tongue gets in the way

Children come
One is finally labeled
“Somewhat autistic”
What does that mean?
No information
Never heard the word before
No idea I am
We’re all so different
But children raised
In the offbeat way
AKA, autistic
And their lives
Get drenched in different shades of rain
Thunder, lightning
Mudslides

What is Autism?

Autism is traffic jams
Oncoming headlights in
A foggy, dark night
Thunder drowning out your heartbeat
Automobile stereo’s base line ripping through your brain

Autism is thunder in your soul
As rain pours from your eyes
And lightning jerks your strings

Autism is knowing you are safest locked alone
In your room
Where no one can hurt you
But the curse is
Like everyone else
You crave society…

© 2015 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)

 

 

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One comment

  1. Thank you for sharing this beautiful and insightful piece, Clarissa. It helped me understand more, but to be honest, some parts of your inner experience are opaque to me, or when I try to grasp the significance, it seems to slip away.

    Like

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