(another page in my poetic diary about self-doubt)


Surprisingly longer life
Than expected
(Not complaining, keep it coming!)
Been a Jack-of-all-arts
Master of none
Trying to perfect
Trying to understand
While soul-castle
Labors behind ramparts

(Before Zeus caught me)
Directing my fire
To music and words
To painting and herbs
To daylight birds
And night sky mysteries
But always intimidated
By the experts

(Caught by leaves in the sun daily
Or pecked by the god’s eagle
Punishment for sharing my fire
With you)

Each art has been a
Swatch of color
You think too much, Gran said
But politics and correctness
Invade my brain
No one expects France
To give Mona back to
The Italians
Why did TS Eliot
Rhyme Michelangelo with “GO” *
Instead of Picasso
(Van go, yeah, I know,
Pronounced in a clearing-the-throat style)
How can I finish
When questions mock and diminish?

Is there a pecking order of musical genres?
Classical, Classic Rock,
Country, Folk, Jazz
All the way down to World?
Determining factor money
(Of course)
Yet we continue creating
With fame as a driving force

So if these questions prevent me
From pouring my entire heart
Into creating
Perhaps I should pursue
A Philosopher’s degree
(My autistic monologuing fits!)

No, because here’s the word
I search for but lack:
Innate Talent
Can practice
Scream at the Muse
One’s genetics accuse
But the elusive ingredient
I am convinced
Must be present
In order to go from a Jack to a King
(Or Queen)

(c) 2019 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)
IMAGE: Chained at the mercy of birds

*TS Eliot’s The Love Song ofย  J. Alfred Prufrock


  1. Brilliant! I think that I get distracted with questions and situations that can never be resolved. But I keep hammering away at my fretboard, trying to turn the madness into song.

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    1. Something to think about, Christine, thanks! I consistently fail in chit-chat but I think it’s the autism. I must admit, I love trivia and that does help . ;D

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      1. Don’t forget that Autistics are also very deep thinkers, seeing the world in a different way. Some channelers say that Autistics are the true ‘Star seeds’, holding DNA from other planets and dimensions. You are blessed ๐Ÿ™‚

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  2. That’s so kind of you, Christine! I will try to remember on those days when I wonder how different life would be if I was “neurotypical.” But then, I know most people wonder what if… xo


  3. You know, Clarissa, I am continuously amazed at the range of your flights of thought. My mouth hangs open and I lose myself as I read. I don’t know what talent really is (maybe it’s a meaningless word based on an outcome) but self-Prometheusedโ€” a big yes to that. ๐ŸŒž

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    1. Oh, thanks so much, Steve! I sure do try to pack so many mixed metaphors in my writing that even my head spins! ๐Ÿ˜€ Based on your writing, I knew you’d understand “self-Pometheused”!

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