relationships

LOSING (AND GAINING) MY PERSPECTIVE

 

Lost myself

Mostly in a good way

When retired

Got to play

Ukulele

Write poetry

And strumming-type songs

Found a new self

So I thought

But as long as I live

With another in my space

Nothing changes

Roommate in my face

Left early, first light

Hardly ever drive

But I drive to

A Burger King drive-through

Haven’t had cholesterol on croissant in years

But I do, while gulping the largest black coffee

Arguing with seagulls

It’s like I find myself

Back in pre-retirement

And no, not working

But yes, working

Blue Gulf, blue sky

White clouds

Gulls cry

I do too

So I type on my phone

Doing social media stuff

Drinking fast-cooling coffee

Sitting in steamy sun wearing black

Shirt and boots

Like some little dominatrix

But I’m not

Just want to look thinner

Even if it’s hot

Just want the security of being able

To kick an attacker in the shins

Wearing my vegan boots

If needed

But gotta go home sometime

Face the day

The reality show of my life

Wish I wasn’t so emotional

Must be my Moon in Cancer

Doesn’t harmonize with

My Sun in Aries

Id, Ego

Does it matter that my Superego

Is Libra Rising

Or do all these astrological influences

Keep me from moving forward

Growing up

Must say

Despite this beach being a small sandbox

It is finally quiet

And I’m decompressing

And I’m ready to return

Into the Now…

 

© 2017 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)

IMAGE:  Seagull staring at me, Green Key

UKULELE LYRICS #353 (POOLS) with experimental chords

(THE CHORDS SO FAR…DESPERATELY NEED TO FIND A MUSIC TEACHER!)

C/Forcing me to look into your F/eyes

F/Knew something not quite C/right

C/Swimming in your ominous F/pools

F/Feeling the pulse of a C/song

A/You, you said you C/love me

A/In love, you C/said

F/Whispered in a star-tossed C/bed

F/Me, refusing to give away C/power

Dm/Yet so worn down from your demand:

  

*Fm7/(“Do you, do you love me C/true  ???”)

 

Dm/The truth always shines through  C/I do

C/What a night, me and Dm/you

F/Swimming in dark pools of

C/Unbearable delight

F/Only to drown in reluctant C/dawn

A/You took your pools

A/I felt a C/fool

C/Gone, gone your hypnotic F/eyes

C/Leaving me floundering

C/In your F/lies

 

*Fm7/No one to hear my wounded C/cries

 

A/Now in pools, dead as F/jet mourning C/jewels

C/Barricading the last image

F/Shape-shifting into  C/a ghost

F/Pools deep as the A/sloping sands

A/Of a continental C/shelf

C/Pools hiding hazards F/unknown

F/To a naïve but desperate C/soul

C/Who took the chance of diving F/into

F/ frigid waters of possibili  C/ty

A/Despite swirling in blood-red

C/Whirlpools

 

*Fm7/I want to die from the lie

Fm7/Knowing, now, that I’d been

Fm7/so wrong about Dm/you…

 

*supposedly alternate chord for Fmaj7 ukulele 5500 (G-5, C-5, E-0, A-0)

(c) 2017 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja) (poem and ukulele chords)

 

TAROT LAYOUT OF THE PAST

 

Endless suns ago

When I bought my first black underwear

Just learning how good it felt

To have my bloodless white lipstick

Kissed off

Hardly aware of the

Dead stars signaling me

As the Old Hickory whiskey plant

Spewed its noxious fumes

Baptizing the Walt Whitman Bridge residents

Frantically driving between

Philly and Camden

To get a fresher whiff of the salt air

In Atlantic City

The last slice of innocence

Endless suns ago

 

Endless suns ago

We laughed as hail hit your

Red ’64 Chevy convertible

Tearing a hole in your prized Chariot

Me, the High Priestess of fantasy

About to be

The Empress of a blighted land

While you

Emperor of nowhere

With side dishes of willing women

Were genetically doomed to click off

Because deep down

You took your emperorship seriously

Much too seriously

“No” it all anger directed only toward me

And our innocent babes

While me

Now the Fool

Stepping into the chasm

That began

Endless suns ago…

 

©2017 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)

IMAGE: Homemade Tarot Card (Kham, The Sun)

#9 FOREVER

 

Palm-sized

Box of mystery

Found half under the bed

Swollen with humidity

Slid the lid with effort

Crystal number nine

Prismed from fake light

At first I smiled

Thinking of John Lennon

Intoning “Number Nine Dream”

But then hesitated

What can it mean?

 

The Tao Te Ching says:

“To retreat after a job well done

Is heaven’s way”

Did you leave?

Was I your well-done job?

The I Ching says:

“Small influences

In a receding tide”

How similar the two are

No doubt now

You are gone

One last chance

The Tarot says:

“Nine is the Hermit

Only alone can one seek

The answer”

No!  I know the question

Only with you could I find the answer

 

To hide the staring emptiness

I flick the light to dark

Left-handed waning crescent

Barely illuminating

Our once moon-struck bedroom

Safe starship buoyantly braving

The fourth dimension

But time’s clock stopped at nine

And now you are gone…

 

© Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)

 

 

COLOSSAL COINCIDENCE?

 

Privately told

To you solely

Arcane instructions

Involving an

Idiosyncratic

Grimoire

Lost on a local airline

To my chagrin

A puerile flaunting

Appeared in print

Revealing the location

Of the long-sought scroll

Do you now feel manly

And in control?

 

© 2017 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)

IMAGE: Lambenore Grimoire White Magic

SOMETHING PRIMAL

 

C/Never been in love or D/loved

D/Struggled to stay C/afloat

C/Can any man be so D/perfect

D/As a series of musical G/notes?

 

F/Something primal G/making it sing

G/Slapping bongos or F/tambourines

F/Skin aglow D/feeling the sting

 

C/Fantasy in D/chords of blue

D/How will I ever Am/find you

 

C/Flavor of a D/good man

D/Like eating chocolate C/Ice cream

C/As taste buds revived D/deliciously

D/In a piquant G/dream

 

F/Something primal G/making it sing

G/Blowing horns hot as a F/thermal spring

F/Pumping blood rides D/an upward swing

 

C/Fantasy of D/honeyed kiss

D/Craving a present  Am/life of bliss

 

C/Longing for a D/reality

D/Consigning all the C/nightmares

C/Back to the D/dreaded past

D/Of implacable ghosts of G/despair

 

F/Something primal G/making it sing

G/Fast picking of guitar’s F/heart strings

F/Spiraling out on strong D/beating wings

 

C/Fantasy of love D/in the now

D/Intending to live the Am/myth somehow

 

(one of my poems chorded for ukulele/free image)

 

© 2016, 2017 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja) words and chords appearing in Self-ie Reflections: A Blogetry Collection

WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS HOLIDAY ANYWAY?

 

*scroll down for a YouTube video*

 

Clickin’ and lookin’

Through my MP3

For the best-ever

Valentine song to share

Wow! What a collection

Of love songs

In my RCA

One inch by two inch

Holy grail of

Musical tales

With endless wailing

And I think about you

On this day, remembering

You were determined to

Take, break, have at

A PIECE OF MY HEART

Although I asked

Why can’t you PUT A LITTLE LOVE IN YOUR HEART?

So you handed me something on the saint’s day

Heavy like lead, and

Inside the HEART SHAPED BOX

Barely beat my rupturing GYPSY HEART

Tapping out the rhythm to the word “run”

It was a TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART

And I knew

You

Would never

STOP DRAGGIN’ MY HEART AROUND

Always a HEART BREAKER

And I helplessly watched

As my HEART OF GLASS

Shattered noiselessly

To the floor…

 

© 2017 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)

 

https://youtu.be/iJb7cBfrxbo  (Janis understood)

 

“RESISTANCE IS FUTILE”

 

Wish you were a tablet

So I could press your chest

Where that stone heart lies

To hear the truth

When I ask if you love me

 

I’d use voice activation

Requesting you go to snopes.com

You’d light up

And I’d say

Do you love me?

 

The answer would be

“Urban Legend” or

“Rumor” or

“False” or

Best of all

“True”

 

Then, no matter

The reply

I’d get on with my life

Whether I stayed or said goodbye

 

Rip the bandage off quickly

Tell me the truth

Always, because

I’m beginning to see

The beauty

Of Star Trek’s Borgs…

 

 

© 2017 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)

Image: Tanga cyborg heart

INDESTRUCTIBLE

 

You won’t break me

I was raised on mother’s milk

A sour diet of insults, smacks

Daily digs large enough to bury my body

Learned not to cry

Wanted to die

But I didn’t

You won’t break me

Spent the next decade

Being forced to swallow

Acerbic semenic spurts

But the taste grew on me

Because dessert was freedom

While you shared the seed

Among others who had the need

And I went about my life

You won’t break me

Spent the next decade

Being whittled down

Stabbed with your words

Until today I keep only

One tiny mirror

Because although I sometimes believe

I’m uncomely as you perceive

You will never see me cry

Go ahead, fling my poems, songs

At my head

Laugh at me

I know the secret of life

My understanding of what drives

The meanness between

Friends, enemies, husbands and wives

Is full of compassion

I can still feel love for all so

My soul is happy and free

And you will never break me…

 

© 2017 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)

 

 

UNTENDED

 

Two years of an unappreciated garden

Now all gone to unremitting green and brown

How I long for reds and blues

The day sobs out for vibrancy

Need something rare as a hummingbird

Spotted without tear-stained spectacles

Porky-Pig-pink flowers reaching for the sun

But it all takes work

Fertilizer brings relief while wrecking aquifers

So sandy soil

Once the bottom of the Gulf

Holds out for salty seaweeds

Blooming algae

Leaving me a blistering memory

Of our once-fertile

Yet fantasy-driven

Love

Impatient for reality,

Should have known it would be

Achingly

Nutrient-poor

And empty…

 

© 2017 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)

IMAGE:  John Everett Millais – Ophelia