existentialism

8-7-20 PHILOSOPHICAL COMPETITION (song-in-progress)

Who is the most authentic
Living in nature
Empty clam shells
Greens and stewing roots
Poking through the sand
Good enough to supply
Physical sustenance

Who is the most free
No one to see you or me
As we move thru life
Without revealing
A secret identity
The world never imagines
We’re hiding behind distractions

Middle of the night tossing
Measuring need by thermal burnings
But you provided
No Rosetta Stone
Nothing to accompany
Years of clay etchings
Masquerading as feelings
That may or may not exist

Who is the most responsible
Living lives alone and lonely
Life not providential
But surely existential
As we do what may be right
Loveless in the hemispheres
Lifting legs like logs
Through the muck and mire
Lost in the geography of the
Split brain…

© 2020 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)
IMAGE: Existentially Alone

LENORMAND IN EXISTENTIAL-LAND

ONE

Here I am upon a horse
Why? Last time I rode at 16
He tried to bite me
Thirsty
But here I am a RIDER
No doubt a lost outsider

TWO

All I remember is blackness
Nothing, not a thing
Until a spark of light
In the night
Lit and I was back
In a dewy field of CLOVER
Trying to cross over

THREE

Water now before me
An ancient sailing SHIP
Empty like the Flying Dutchman
Tossing upon waves
On a mysterious trip

FOUR

Climbing a jetty on shore
A stable HOUSE
With woman and spouse
But I was invisible to them

FIVE

And now walking alone
Under an ancient TREE
Far from sounds of the sea
I convinced myself all would be clear
If I remained patient

SIX

Above were stormy CLOUDS
Mirroring my confusion
Scanning for people on the horizon
But nothing
No riders, walkers, drivers, crowds

SEVEN

Ah, but here a SNAKE
Curled around the bark
No fancy patterns
Maybe venomless
Deceit or wisdom
Mixed message made my head ache

EIGHT

Spying a box in the distance
I moved along the path
Sitting above the dirt
A plain pine wood COFFIN
But no one saying farewell
No mourners for the blow to soften

NINE

Where am I? I cried out
Then spotted a field of flowers
Gathered up a colorful BOUQUET
Returned along the pathway
And placed it on the box for hope

TEN

Oh, but here a hooded figure
Staring off into the sky with a SCYTHE
He didn’t look very blythe
He didn’t look at all
No eyes gleaming, focusing
More like a scarecrow
Scary, to me, though

ELEVEN

Around his other shoulder
Was wrapped a WHIP
A symbol of life’s strip
From the landscape of repetition
Happening over and over

TWELVE

So I changed direction
Walking toward the north
In a moment of clairvoyance
I knew I must move
The song of a BIRD
Openly conferred
This truth to me

THIRTEEN

Out of nowhere suddenly apppeared
An out-of-place apparition
A delightful CHILD
In all innocence, smiled
And believed the future would be revealed

FOURTEEN

I watched as she tumbled with a FOX
The sun tilting to the spring equinox
No worry, at present, about intrigue
All was right with this strange world
Since I didn’t seem to be visible

FIFTEEN

I moved along to a cave with a BEAR
Experiencing a fearful flare
Yet the power and might of
This strong personality
Continued to feel lucky

SIXTEEN

Not long after, the sky darkened
But a lovely guide, a huge STAR
Silently promised me clarity
Resonating in my reservoir
Of strength and hope and reality

SEVENTEEN

Allowing myself a dreamless sleep
I awoke in daylight once again
Continuing a journey of reversal
Back to the south
As the beak of a STORK
Pointed the way
And come what may
I’d follow

EIGHTEEN

Before long I noticed a DOG
Seemingly following me
But unaware as dogs never are
Yet he barked if I went the wrong way
And I obeyed
This trusted travelogue

NINETEEN

As all my silent companions did
He disappeared and I wandered
Alone and dispirited
There stood a TOWER
Of loneliness but power
And I stood outside the open door

TWENTY

Shockingly
The room held a GARDEN
With many people socializing
I moved toward them
Begging their pardon
Asking where we were
But as before
I remained unheard

TWENTY-ONE

Frustrated I moved outside
Heading toward a MOUNTAIN
Hoping to overcome the obstacle
This unsolvable problem
Pausing at a fountain
To wet my weary feet

TWENTY-TWO

I arrived at a CROSSROADS
Not sure which way to wander
A feeling of being turned around
As if right was left
Instead of the antipodes

TWENTY-THREE

Scurrying around were tiny MICE
Another sign of my distress
Closing my eyes I walked quickly away
Searching for someone, anyone
Who could give me sorely needed advice

TWENTY-FOUR

Suddenly I saw an indentation
In the grass I tiredly walked through
I was sure it was shaped like a HEART
A loving piece of art
A sign that love was alive
Somewhere in this terrible world
I couldn’t contrive

TWENTY-FIVE

In the center was a tuffet with two RINGS
Symbol of commitment and partnership
Music from my guitar and other strings
Transported me to an iconic room
Once again inside

TWENTY-SIX

Of course it was a library and
I chose a large leather-bound BOOK
Where else could I find the knowledge
A much needed map that was a hook
To hang my vulnerable mind
While I learned more of my mystery

TWENTY-SEVEN

Inside the cover was a LETTER
Addressed to me
At least I thought
It was my name from another time and place
But the words were unfamiliar
Dancing upon the page
So I could not figure them out
And as I focused they did not seem better

TWENTY-EIGHT

There behind a desk stood a MAN
Busy with a quill and pen
Scratching foreign words upon
A parchment
Not seeing me
Leaving me
Without a plan

TWENTY-NINE

Near a shelf of books was a WOMAN
She also did not see or hear
Reading a manuscript
In one hand
Tapping a lacy fan
In the other
To some silent rhythm
Only she could bear

THIRTY

I’m dead! I’m dead! I said
And tore out the door
Plucking a LILY
Feeling immature
And incredibly silly
But not knowing what all this could be

THIRTY-ONE

I gazed at the SUN
Not caring if it blinded me
Feeling as if hit by a stun gun
Feeling the heat
Feeling the chill
Feeling the absence of all

THIRTY-TWO

Time passed and soon
I was staring at the MOON
Its silvery gaze
Mirroring mine
But keeping the secret
Of my loss

THIRTY-THREE

Hearing a clink
Bent down to see a KEY
Carved from silver filligree
I could hear its vibration
Saying, “Pick me…”
So I did

THIRTY-FOUR

I saw a pond
With a golden FISH
Worried about this business
I crazily made a wish
To meet someone to help me

THIRTY-FIVE

All I needed was an ANCHOR
I thought with rancor
To bring me stability
On this journey

THIRTY-SIX

So then I realized it was fate
As appeared a karmic CROSS
And suddenly felt the loss
Of this heavy albatross
Lifted from my life
And then I knew
Whatever I would do
Made no difference at all…

(c) Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)
IMAGE: Lenormand oracle decks

EXISTENTIAL ANGST

 

Was it Beckett who wrote

About the arbitrary chaos of life?

That man sure could pen-talk

Failing basic chit-chat, me

Goth Granny in glitzy lip gloss

Like a gamma ray burst

Taking billions of years

To see

The light

In this house-of-cards

Universe

As I stumble down a path

Far from capricious

More like destiny

Fate

Pre-determined

Theatre of rigid scripts

That never change

Over and over again

I write

I say

Tell me

I’m trustworthy

I won’t laugh

I won’t sneer

Say it without fear

Let words waft into the aether…

 

© 2017 Clarissa Simmens (ViataMaja)

IMAGE: Alberto Sughi, Café Painting